Posted on Sun, Sep. 07, 2008

The NFL has introduced a new ''Fan Code of Conduct'' policy that will be enforced during games in all league stadiums throughout the season, beginning this weekend.

Drunkenness, profanity, obscene gestures, taunting and patently annoying, obnoxious, embarrassing or boorish behavior are now strictly prohibited. The expected result of the new measures is simple:

A League Without Jets Fans.

• How bizarre to see Brett Favre in a Jets uniform, by the way. Packers fans haven't been this nauseated since somebody put Ex-Lax in the cheddar.

• Dolphin Ricky Williams is enrolled in classes at Nova Southeastern University, and The Miami Herald had a story in which one of his instructors admitted having no idea who he was. Dear Professor: There's a popular new trend out there called ''keeping up with current events.'' Check it out.

• Fantasy football? Here is my definition of fantasy football: The Detroit Lions making the playoffs.

• Recently drafted Heat point guard Mario Chalmers was sent home from a rookie orientation program after being caught with two women in a hotel room that smelled of marijuana. In no way do I condone pot smoking. As for the other part of it, I'm sure not if Mario should have been sent home or congratulated.

• In other Heat news, the team signed journeyman center Jamaal Magloire, who evidently had one good season several years ago.

• Luis Gonzalez will debut his new signature cabernet sauvignon at a fund-raiser for the Florida Marlins Community Foundation. I don't want to suggest the wine was being taste tested throughout August in the Marlins' clubhouse, but it would help explain the standings.

• The Marlins supposedly had 589 fans at Wednesday's game, according to a hand count by reporters, but I find that an insult to logic and obviously in error. If you included people who were in the bathroom during the count, I'd bet actual attendance was at least 597!

• UM defenders said they were not intimidated facing Tim Tebow and the UF offense Saturday night. My question: Have any athletes, in the history of sports, admitted to being scared of an opponent?

• Gators receiver Louis Murphy had called out the Canes by claiming Florida, not Miami, was the real ''U.'' Murphy is best known for being unidentifiably lost in the shadow of Percy

Harvin.

• Ex-Canes quarterback Kirby Freeman quickly lost his starting job at Baylor. Suppose he'll be blaming a lack of opportunity there, too, right?

• Daunte Culpepper, with Miami in 2006, has retired from the NFL. I'll never forget his Dolphins career highlight, when he . . . when he . . . umm, let me get back to you on that.

• Chad Johnson, now legally Chad Ocho Cinco, will wear his new name on his uniform for the Bengals this season. I might suggest a more accurately descriptive name: Chad Imanidiot.

• Hey! Tatum Bell just stole my luggage!

• St. Thomas Aquinas' football team won the Kirk Herbstreit Challenge in Cincinnati. Not sure which is weirder. That prep teams travel across the country to play. Or that Kirk Herbstreit has a Challenge.

• The U.S. national soccer team competed Saturday in Cuba for the first time since 1947, in a World Cup qualifying match. Wild guess: No American players defected.

• Roger Clemens' son was arrested after a disturbance outside a Virginia restaurant. Cannot confirm the Rocket is trying to figure a way to blame the incident on his former trainer.

• The Panthers swapped defensemen, acquiring Bryan McCabe, 33, from Toronto for Mike Van Ryn. I don't wanna say the deal had been in the works a long time, but when negotiations began, McCabe was 29.

• Oscar de la Hoya now says he might not retire after all. ''Gee, what a shock!'' everyone who has ever followed boxing responded as sarcastically as possible.

• The United Soccer Leagues' Miami Blues appear in jeopardy of not making the playoffs, a surprise to those unaware either the team or league existed.

• Oklahoma City's new NBA franchise has chosen Thunder as its nickname. That narrowly beat the runnerup nickname: Tumbleweed.

• In NASCAR news, most people continued last week to dislike Kyle Busch.

• A California warehouse worker beat LeBron James in a game of H-O-R-S-E. Can the Nike shoe deal be far behind?

• Floyd Mayweather Jr. had $7.2 million in jewelry stolen from his home. Dear Floyd: Take a fraction of the money you spend on bling, and invest in a decent home security system. Just a thought.

• The LPGA has backed down from its controversial plan to require all players to be fluent in English and instead is now considering a plan to require all players to speak Portuguese.

• Marion Jones, released from federal prison, made it

from her cell to a waiting car in 9.94 seconds.

• The Red Sox broke the record of 455 consecutive sellouts set by Cleveland from 1995 to 2001. Gee, Boston -- can't you loan a few to the Marlins?

• Marlins Triple A slugger Dallas McPherson was among callups when rosters expanded this week. Hmm. Perhaps they didn't know McPherson had more than 150 strikeouts in the minors this year. Like the Marlins don't strike out enough on their own?

• Parting thought: Several local teams competed in Las Vegas last week for the World Adult Kickball Association championship. I imagine winning that title would be quite a prestigious honor, if it didn't involve adults playing kickball.

Catch Greg Cote's Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com, and chat live online with Greg every Monday from 1 to 2 p.m.