Viagra would be cheaper.

But an extravagant Christmas shopper at the Fort Lauderdale Gun and Knife Show could spend $6,000 on a Dragunov Tiger and restore an old codger's manliness.

Of course, the Tiger is only a civilian variation of the sniper rifle once issued to the Russian Ministry of Internal Security. Still, it's accurate enough to pick off eight tiny reindeer from your neighbor's roof.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, or at least plenty of Santa-sized men who came to the holiday gun show over the weekend to browse among pistols, knifes, shotguns and a startling array of pseudo-military weaponry.

The gun-obsessed like to point out that these nasty-looking guns are not technically ''assault weapons,'' but they sure as hell look like assault weapons. The sheenless black metal semi-automatic rifles were clearly designed to exterminate human beings by the truckload.

SWORDS AND BODY ARMOR

Enough firepower was for sale at the aptly named War Memorial Auditorium to either accommodate very paranoid Christmas shoppers or to launch a second invasion of Grenada -- with other necessities like body armor, swords, daggers, night scopes, laser sights and ammo clips -- two for $35.

In way of provisions, there was beef jerky, elk jerky, venison jerky. I tried a little buffalo jerky and within moments felt a homicidal rage welling up in my lower intestine.

The economy may be faltering, but the gun show was a jam-packed extravaganza, despite an $8 entry fee. Shoppers also lined up over the weekend at box stores and shopping malls, but none of those other bargain-hunters filed past signs warning, ``No loaded guns. No ammo. No clips.''

The mighty crowd, Danny Rodriguez told me, was a backhanded homage to the president-elect. ''We think he's going to try and take away our guns. We're stocking up,'' said Rodriguez, 33, who drove down from West Palm Beach to salvage his Second Amendment rights.

Obama actually said he wouldn't take away their guns. (He did say he favored ''common sense'' gun policies, which may not be such good news to this crowd.) But the NRA ran a relentless $10 million campaign stirring up Obama panic. If nothing else, it was brilliant marketing.

Gun sales soared after the election. At the gun show in Fort Lauderdale, the line stretched out the door and down the driveway.

GET YOUR GUN

Gun shows also offer a decided shopping advantage over gun stores. Gun-show vendors aren't required to run the background checks meant to bar felons and lunatics.

Thanks to gun shows, felons and lunatics also have a shot at holiday weaponry.

The crowd was mostly of the male variety, although vendors offered up some very girly-looking pistols, pepper spray disguised as lipstick and a pink stun gun with a tag reading ''help fight breast cancer.'' Leather purses came secreted with conceal-and-carry holsters. And there was a Ruger .22 with a squishy soft pink stock ($349).

For the kids, vendors offered air guns, cross bows and a sweatshirt with a blood-spattered smiley face taking a bullet in the skull.

Another shirt featured a Kalashnikov-wielding Hello Kitty. Quick. Christmas is coming. Stock up before Obama and the copyright lawyers take away your KalashiniKitty T-shirts.

Join the discussion

Note: If this is your first time using our NEW commenting system, you will have to LOG OUT and then LOG BACK IN.

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. In order to post comments, you must be a registered user of MiamiHerald.com. Your username will show along with the comments you post. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

     Showing: Oldest first Newest first Most-recommended first Least-recommended first

@Nyx.AuthorDisplayName@ wrote on @Nyx.PostedAtTime@:

@Nyx.CommentBody@

@Nyx.Recommender@ @Nyx.AbuseReporter@