When you start dating someone and make it past those first three months and move into months six through nine, families get increasingly curious. ''So, who are you dating now? What's their name?'' is how the conversation with a parental or grandparental figure usually begins. It's followed by ''You've been with them for a while now, things going well?'' And after about 20 seconds, before you can even finish your answer, ``When can we meet her?''

When you were in your teens, the question meant ''Your father and I want to check this guy out to make sure he's not corrupting the innocent child we have raised for 16 years.'' When you're in your 20s, the question means ``Your mother and I want to check him out to see if he's responsible, has a solid career and is ready to support you.''

When you're in your 30s, single and perhaps exited from a marriage or long relationship with no children, the question means, ``We would like to meet this person to see if you'll finally grow up, quit going out all the time and provide us with some grandchildren while our health is still good and we can enjoy them.''

So I guess it was inevitable when CoolGirl and I moved into months six through nine of our relationship that each of our families would start showing an interest in a face-to-face meeting. Neither of our parents live in Miami, so that meant making special trips just to meet, adding a touch of pressure.

Fortunately I had some experience in this department, what with two previous long-term relationships, which included a marriage. Like a good poker player, you never want to reveal all your cards when meeting parents. It's actually best to remain on the quiet side, watch what you say when you're questioned, smile a lot, always laugh at any jokes and, above all, be a good listener.

Eventually, as you spend more time with the parents, you can reveal more of your personality and make bold statements. But you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

I also found a great way to defuse that initial awkwardness when you have already accepted offers of water, some butter cookies from a tin you know hasn't been opened since Christmas, a glass of wine and the topics of the weather and the traffic have been exhausted.

Ask the parent to talk about their child. ''I want to know about CoolGirl when she was growing up,'' I asked her mother with a smile (which is a must when taking this leap). ``You must have some good stories.''

This creates a comfortable setting for all parties and reduces the chance of interview-style questions and having to give your entire life story (and that of your own parents) in an abbreviated Cliff Notes format.

CoolGirl's mom, her two aunts, one uncle, cousin, cousin's husband, two nieces and her mom's next-door neighbor (yes, they were all there during that first meeting) all had a story to tell. All funny, too, with great photos to provide visuals. Needless to say, my first meeting with CoolGirl's family went well. No need to use any ace card up my sleeve. I may have to save that when she meets my folks.

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